so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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