Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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