i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can't special order awesome
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
