he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
