I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
