I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
