i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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