She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
