he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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