How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
