Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
