Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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