Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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