We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
