Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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