..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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