I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
