Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
