That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
