she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
