I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
