So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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