How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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