Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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