guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No subtext here. People are naked.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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