The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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