called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
