I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
