I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize