Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
