obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
