I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
