Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
