my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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