I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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