Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize