so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
