Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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