im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
