There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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