never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
