he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
