I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
