Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
