I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we're so committed to being not committed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
