They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
