Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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