the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
