if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
