She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
