you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
