You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Even my vagina gasped.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize