Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
