I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
