meet me or not, i'm out of control
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we're making bets on your personal life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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