I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
