help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
