last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was CRYING into my vagina
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
