i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
