The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
