just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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