I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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