Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
