Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
