I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize