That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
