Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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