i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
