my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
