Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
