bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
