So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
