This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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