almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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