if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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