I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
