my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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