woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
