I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
