I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
