I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
